I was standing at the platform where Teacher Kim and I danced on the roof top. Tanaw ko ang mapunong college campus ng university. Napaisip ako kung anong pagbabago naman ang mangyayari sa buhay ko sa pagtungtong ko sa kolehiyo.
The sky was cloudless, it was a plain canvass of orange color. I couldn't see the sun in the horizon but I could see brighter rays of orange and yellow. I couldn't help but feel sad.
Naisip ko si Teacher Kim, my boyfriend, my prince charming. The past couple of weeks, our relationship has been smooth sailing, we have been more careful, and he has been more romantic. We no longer have sex at the pleasure dungeon, it just doesn't feel right anymore. Instead, we go to his place after school, cuddle and make love. My brothers would pick me up at the nearby high-end mall. Ang alam nila I was just hanging-out with Mecky, which for the most part, true; sometimes, Mecky would see me at the mall after Teacher Kim drops me off.
I stared at the orange sky again, I wondered why it made me feel gloomy and sad. I remembered, my 18th birthday will be in the next couple of days. I'm a December baby.
But my debut is not something I look forward to, I was never one to enjoy being the center of attention; with my previous birthdays, everything was casual, I didn't feel too center. But a debut is another thing, especially the one that was being prepared by Madam Kim.
This year, my actual birthday falls on the weekend when our high school does the annual Yuletide Ball. It is our version of the Prom Dance that usually falls in February. Kami lang ata ang school sa pilipinas na nagpo-prom tuwing December. While other schools have a Prom Dance in February, we have a Valentine Week instead.
Kaya naman ang debut celebration ko was moved to the next weekend. I thought it will be way more awkward to celebrate a birthday a week after the actual birth date. But, anyways, as always, Madam Kim rules.
I looked at another part of the sky, the orange was lighter with bits of the blue sky. I saw a flock of birds flying towards the horizon, it was as if they were flying in a slow motion. It gave a feeling of lost, or something afar, or just plain sad. I frowned and sighed.
Then I received a text message that Blue was looking for me, so I decided to go back to our university's convention hall. It's where we'll have our Yuletide Ball and I'm one of the lead in the organization and preparation of the venue. I gave the sky one last look, it was just sad.
Upon entering the grand lobby of the convention hall, I saw my dad walking away to another exit and Teacher Kim was standing few feet behind him. I was sure dad didn't see me, but I got curious especially with Teacher Kim's crestfallen expression.
Lumapit ako sa kaniya, my dad was already far out. "Hey."
Teacher Kim looked up, but he was taken aback. "Cece."
"I saw my dad."
His eyes were blinking fast and his sight going in different direction. "Ah, yeah."
"Nothing concerning. You should go back inside, love. Blue is losing it." He pecked a kiss on my cheek and oddly, he walked out.
I came back in to the grand hall and saw the distressed Blue on one corner. I looked around and the decorations seemed to be going well and as planned, but I know Blue is a bonafide perfectionist so I wasn't surprised he was exhausting himself about this.
"Hey, Blue, ok ka lang?"
"No, Cece, I'm not ok!"
"Oh, sorry. Ok, uhm."
He seemed to regret his initial reaction, "Ugh! Sorry, Cece. I shouldn't have acted that way. I'm just, a little exhausted."
"Yea, I see that. Do you want to take a rest first? Everything seems to be going fine, the hall is getting there, ang perfect na nga ng lahat eh."
"Perfect isn't enough, Cece. This is the 100th Yuletide Ball. It's special."
"I know. At dalawang taon mo na 'tong pinaghahandaan. Last year was perfect, this year, it will be beyond perfect. So.. chill na lang tayo?"
He looked at me, he stared, at humupa rin ang kunot ng mukha niya; he smiled. "You are peace in all the chaos, Cece. As always."
He continued to direct the preparations, a little calmer this time sabi ni Mecky. I was with Mecky setting up the stage and we both saw Teacher Kim standing on the opposite end, at the grand hall entrance looking so dashing and princely, habang natatamaan siya ng spotlight.
"Well, kaya naman nainlove sa kaniya ang buong school. He knows where and how to stand, na sasambahin siya ng lahat," bulong ni Mecky.
"Bakit ikaw, parang sayo wala namang effect, parang ayaw mo naman sumamba."
She grimaced. "First, sayo na siya eh. Pero kahit naman noon pa, di ko na siya type. Masyado siyang gwapo. Saka since when pa tayo nagto-talk about guys no. Pero, ikaw, I know, matagal ka ng baliw sa kaniya."
I tucked my hair behind my ear, half conceding to the truth but still with a bit of denial. "Grabe naman yung baliw. Hindi naman. But, was I obvious?"
"Uhm, yeah. Kahit mukha kang di makabasag pinggan, pansin ko na noon na may pagnanasa ka sa kaniya."
I push her lightly. "Hala to! Grabe siya oh, pagnanasa talaga?"
"Ok. Edi, secret desire. Cece, never tayong umabsent, being with you five days a week, makikita ko talaga yung sudden changes and difference sayo no."
"How much have I changed?" Biglang nagseryoso yung tono ko at sumunod din ang ekspresyon ng mukha ni Mecky.
"Err, 100 percent? Ok. 99 na lang. Pero it's not much of a change naman e, parang nadagdagan ka lang. You've always been bold naman, as a project leader, sa problem solving, parang we see you as mahinhin pero I know your thinking is strong. May kakaiba kang tapang. And him? He's like a math problem you'll surely find a thousand ways to solve. It's really not too shocking na, you got yourself sa ganitong complicated situation. The harder the math problem is, the more fun you're having. You complain na - ang hirap naman nito i-solve! o bwisit na Math! - pero deep inside, I know gustong-gusto mo yung challenge."
May masarap na gaan sa pakiramdam naman ang sinabi ni Mecky. I guess, I just saw myself and the changes in me differently. "You know what, Mecks? I love you."
She grimaced. "Ok. Pero, yuck! Ano ba 'to, nagdadrama tayong dalawa."
Sabay na lang kaming natawa.
❧ ❧ ❧
I stood close to the glass wall windows of Teacher Kim's bedroom. May lula akong naramdaman nang dumungaw ako sa ibaba. Sa taas ng building, nagmistulang alitaptap ang ilaw ng mga sasakyan sa kalsada.
Dahil sa Yuletide Ball preparation, I had an excuse to sleepover dapat sa bahay ni Mecky. We were in-charge of the program kaya nakapagpaalam ako sa mga kuya ko na may aayusin pa kami sa program. But the truth, of course, the program was already done to perfection, as per Blue's standard. And thankfully, Mecky was in on my alibi.
I was holding a cup of just-cold coffee. I was wearing Teacher Kim's polo shirt na nagmistulang dress na sa'kin dahil sa sobrang laki. The night was still young, pero tanaw ko na ang laser lights sa malapit na high-end bars. I know isa dun ay ang Fort Club na madalas puntahan ng boyfriend ko before naging kami.
Naramdaman ko ang pagakap niya sa likod ko. Humalik siya sa leeg ko't pinisil ang suso ko. "Come back to bed, love."
"Haven't you had enough of sex already? Halos, I've forgotten na that I am actually sore. It's not pink anymore, it's red."
He chuckled. "Still pretty. Tastes even better. You're tighter when you're sore."
"How tight could you want?"
"Oh, I love how tight your tiny pussy is. But, when you're sore, it's that little extra, uhm!"
Siniko ko ang tiyan niya, he giggled.
"When are you gonna bring me there?" tinuro ko yung may mga laser lights na area.
He paused. "You'll just get jealous."
I sniggered. "Ang kapal! I know, you're like a god there, and probably had sex with all the girls in there, but I am not gonna get jealous."
"Ha! You get jealous when Yoona and Mitty talk to me. And -- "
"Well, it's because you had sex with them at the Pleasure Dungeon!"
"And, you say, I had sex with all the girls at the Fort Club. It's like you're gonna get jealous with the entire building itself. I bet you'll be jealous when I walk in to the door, like it's the club's pussy."
Humarap ako sakanya at idiiniin ang empty na cup na hawak ko sa dibdib niya. "You.. are such a whore, a slut, and a bitch."
Humor crept up his face, God! His grin was just orgasmic. "Don't say bad words or I'll spank you," he teased coyly.
And he did. He spanked the cheek of my ass lightly at pinisil-pisil na niya ito. But I knew what he's going to do next kaya naisip kong idistract siya ulit with another topic. "What did you and my dad talked about?"
"Me?? What did he say?"
"Leave you alone. Or he'll put me to jail."
Para akong biglang nalagutan ng hininga. Nabitawan ko ang hawak kong cup pero in a swift and skillful save, nasalo ito ni Teacher Kim.
I snickered, I thought it was a joke. But his expression told me it wasn't. And he just let it out like it's some random statement.
Realisation kick-in, "Wha-wh-what??"
"He knew, Cece. He knows about us."
His tone was as if everything was ok. Like, it wasn't some crazy nightmare that was about to start. I felt my knees weakening, I had to walk to the bed and sit. But it wasn't comfortable either, the bed was too low.
We looked at each other. Despite the dimmed lights of the room, I can see his expression changing to serious, like he wanted to say something but having a second thought.
I couldn't wrap my head around the idea that my dad already knew. I was blinking fast, my mouth open, my head was moving in different directions. I was like dropped in the middle of the desert and I couldn't make a decision which direction to go.
Teacher Kim sat beside me. We were like two strangers sitting beside each other. I looked at him but he was just staring at the floor.
"What did you say?" mahina kong tanong.
"I love you. But he was furious. Collected, but furious. Like any protective father would be."
"What else did he say?"
He directed his face towards me but it is still lowered, his eyes on the floor. "Cece," his tone was leaning towards something I didn't want to hear.
"No!" I shook my head.
"I don't wan -- "
"No! Wait, what, you're giving up?" Parang pinipihit ang lalamunan ko, parang umaapoy ang puso ko. Hindi ako mapakali, gusto kong tumayo pero walang lakas ang mga binti ko.
"I don't want to break your f --"
"Break me? Why would I be broken if you're not giving up? So, you're giving up?"
"He's your dad. They're your family. You'll break if what you have with them gets ruined. You're not -- "
"Don't tell me what I'm not, what I am or what to feel! Hindi akong manikang tanga. I can't believe this, ganun lang? You give up? Dinala mo ko dito sa bahay mo, to **! - then give up!? When did you plan to tell me that? Hanggang kelan, di-did you think na you'll just ** me tonight or for as long you can, then it's over? How -- "
"No. You're crazy. Give up? Ano 'to, parang --"
He cupped my face, wiped my tears. I didn't even realised I was crying. I felt a fang of fear nang dumampi ang kamay niya sa pisngi ko, I was scared to lose that good feeling of him touching me.
"Cece -- "
"Why are you giv-- "
"Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, I didn't say I've given up."
I looked at him, straight into his eyes trying to see the truth. I was sobbing badly, I realised, I was acting like a kid again.
He smiled. "It hurts me when you cry, you know that? Don't cry, my love," he leaned in and kissed me on my forehead. Even with few more sobs, I was able to control myself from crying. I quiet down.
"What now?" I asked.
He chuckled. "How can I give up on that face? You can be just way too adorable. It's impossible."
He leaned in again and kissed me on the lips. Madiin, dama kong parang ayaw niya ngang bumitaw.
"We'll solve this, love. Together?"
But then something came to me. "I want you -- ** me. As ruthless as you can. Give me your best worst."
"I'm so mad at you right now. So, ** me!"
Tumayo ako at sumampa sa harapan niya. Wala akong suot na panty kaya dama ko ang pagdampi ng umbok niya mula boxers niya.
"Oh, ok. Wait. Wha -- oh, woah! Ok."
I took the bold move. Sinabunutan ko siya at hinalikan nang may kapusukan, mula sa tenga, sa leeg, sa panga, hanggang sa labi niya.
Pero agad ding lumabas ang hiniling kong pagkasadista niya. Lumamas agad ng madiin ang isa niyang kamay sa katawan ko at sa suso ko, habang ang isa nama'y sumabunot sa buhok ko mula sa batok, at mas ganid pa siyang humalik sa akin.
Hinubad niya ang suot kong polo shirt nang may rahas. Agad siyang humalik at lumaplap sa magkabila kong suso. Madiin at may kagat ang mga laplap niya. I was feeling his dominance, ramdam ko ang laki niya at ang liit ko.
Tumayo siya. In a masterful swift, he lifted me up his shoulder, napakapit at napasabunot na lang ako sa buhok niya sa lula at sa kaba na baka maout-balance ako.
Nakaupo ako sa balikat niya, his face was between my thighs. His strong arm against my back giving me some assurance na hindi ako matutumba o malalaglag. Then he pushed me closer to his face, his mouth began to ravage my pussy.
I moaned. I felt his biting teeth. May makakagat na sakit akong nararamdaman sa madiin na pagsipsip niya sa tinggil ko. His playful tongue was as mean as it was passionate, it felt like there were liquid explosions happening inside me.
In another masterful swift, binaliktad niya ako. I shrieked. I was facing the floor, his hard-erected penis was pointing at me, my pussy was still in his mouth being ravaged. It wasn't a comfortable position, but I liked the roughness of it.
With my one hand pressed on his thigh to get a hold of balance, I circled my other hand to his beastly penis. Even with some difficulty because of the position, I started sucking the head of his penis. Then, I circled both my hands up and down his shaft. Having no control of my balance, bigla na lang napapadiin ang pagsubo ko sa ari niya at sumasagad hanggang lalamunan ko.
It seemed Teacher Kim liked what was being done with his glorious penis, he pressed his hand against my head and he started mouth **ing me. I gagged. But having to learn that I had a natural talent at gagging, I just let him mouth ** me as hard as he want. I can feel the all my blood going down my head.
"Yes, Cece. You want the worst? Ruthless? No mercy? I'm gonna give it you."
In a rougher swiftness, he lifted my body up, turned my legs down, his one arm in my front, his hand cupping my breast, his other hand was supporting my lower abdomen. I was like a doggie being carried. Then I was bent, still facing the floor, my backside was against his crotch, I was like sitting in his penis, but my upper body floating facing the floor.
Without adieu, ipinasok niya ang ari niya sa butas ko nang walang pagaalinlangan, agad-agad, sagad. Nanlaki ang mata ko at napasigaw ako sa gulat at sakit. The position was very uncomfortable, he was standing so he had all the strength, while I was like a doll being **ed ruthlessly.
"Fuck! It hurts! We-www-wait. Ah! Ah! Fuck! Hurts! Ah!"
Napakapit ako sa kamay niyang mahigpit ang hawak sa susu ko. I had no other support, I felt completely defenseless, helpless. The slicing pain inside my pussy was incredible, I felt every bit of it. He was pounding me rampantly, uncontrolled. Dama ko ang pagkasagad niya, ang pagsampal ng itlog niya sa tinggil ko. It was never ending; ** and pounded, ** and pounded, ** and pounded, hard-hitting, deeply penetrating - I moaned, I cried, I screamed.
Then he slowed down, he lifted my body up, his hand was now on my neck, choking me a little. I was almost sitting, my back against his front. I tried to fathom how strong he really is to carry me like I was light as stuff toy. Then he walked towards the glass wall window.
He pinned me against the window, I pressed my hands to it. Kahit papaano I had something to lean on this time and get support to, but I was still hanging above the floor. His penis was still inside me, then he started thrusting again.
It felt dangerous. I wasn't sure but we could be visible from outside and there are buildings in front of us. Dumagdag din ang lula ko kapag napapatingin ako sa ibaba. It was extremely arousing. Despite the incredible pain, I just wanted him to ** me even more.
He was vicious. He rolled and twisted me in different difficult positions, on the floor, in his bed, in his room's kitchen, on every wall we stop, then back to the glass wall windows. He was, indeed, at his best worst. He **ed me like he haven't before. Several times I asked him to slow to down, almost begged him to stop, but he just went barbaric, like I wasn't human at all.
It was more than **ing. It was different than his previous sadistic tendencies. The pain meant something else. It was like we were channeling our fears of losing each other. Like, we knew, our complicated relationship might just come to its end.
I started feeling numb. Tears just kept falling. I was exhausted, my moans turned to screaming, then crying. But his brute strength remained irrepressible, his ruthlessness was unstoppable.
"This is what you want right? No mercy."
I remained quiet. He kept **ing but it seemed I lost my strength even to make any more sounds.
Then he threw me to the bed. I bounced. I shrieked but I didn't hear myself. He jumped on top of me, raised my leg up and he thrusted again inside me with an incredible force. I grimaced in pain.
He thrusted faster, meaner, endless, shooting like an armalite. He was growling like an wild beastly animal. His hands were heavy, his hold were tight. He **ed me in the most inhuman way.
He growled again, loud and evil. I knew he just hit his climax. He didn't talked dirty, but he looked at me dirty. He was panting, sweating, I felt his pulsing penis inside me. He filled me full, it was a lot of hot liquid filling inside me.
When the explosion finished, he pulled out, his jaw clenched, his brows knitted, and his eyes - he was in pain. He turned away. He sat on the edge of the bed, his back facing me.
Trying hard not to make a sound, I cried like I've never cried before.
❧ ❧ ❧
The 100th Yuletide Ball. Bago pa pinauso ng Hogwarts ang Yule Ball, inumpisahan na ng school namin ang Yuletide Ball. We even had this kind of dance even before nauso ang Prom sa pilipinas.
The wife of one of the founders of the university was a norwegian. She brought one of their northern european tradition sa school, thence, the Yuletide Ball. It has become the most anticipated event every year. Extravagant preparations were put into it; the dresses; suits and tuxes; the hot dates with some controversial ones, celebreties and all - we have added romance into the traditional family holiday which is Christmas.
I wasn't really sure if I wanted to attend this time, but being the program coordinator, I had no choice too. After my last sexual encounter with Teacher Kim, hindi na kami nagusap ulit. Dalawang araw din kaming hindi nagpansinan sa klase, ang huling dalawang araw bago ang christmas break.
I had no idea what will happen next. I was awkwardly sitting in my dad's car as he drove me to the ball. We never discuss about what he knows; he still kept his dad self and still treated me like her precious little three year old princess. It was obvious he was trying na walang magbago sa relationship namin, but I know how everything has changed na.
As I looked at the christmas decor on the roads that we passed by, I couldn't help but think where would Teacher Kim celebrate his christmas. It hurts when I consider thinking, he might go home to the UK and then he'll never come back.
"Ok, little Peach. We're here. Sorry, I think we're a bit late. My fault. But, a princess as beautiful as you, you deserve a grand late entrance. "
I flinched at the thought of everyone looking at me. From inside the car, I looked at the magnificently decorated entrance of the convention hall. There were four junior students as royal guards standing by the steps. Only seniors are allowed to attend the ball, but anyone can come if invited as a date or for some, as member of the staff and preparation team.
"Err, parang mistake ata that I opted to close the other entrance hallway during entrance. Dun pala dapat ako papasok."
"Hey. You look amazing. Your mom always chooses the right dress, the perfect dress actually. And you're beautiful in it, Cece. Now, go on, and enjoy this magical night."
I looked at my dad and sighed. "I don't have a date, dad."
"Well, I'm sure, there's a prince waiting for you inside. And a princess' entrance is always by herself. Wait, I'll open the door for you."
Napayuko na lang ako sa awkwardness dahil sa sinabi niya and took the courage to come out of the car and just get over with this event.
The theme of the ball was royal winter. I wore a big winter white ball gown decorated with sparkling swarovskis all over it and different shades of pink, lavender and blue butterflies covering the top part. My hair was fixed into thick mermaid braids accented with small butterflies and flower accessories like lotus, lily, and lilac.
I took one look in the mirror wall of the entrance and I thought I saw an actual butterfly princess, and it wasn't me. I was amazed at how my mom turned me into this girl in the mirror.
Pagdating ko sa dulo ng 360-mirrored entrance hallway that we especially made - the walls, floor and ceiling were all glass mirrors - everyone looked at me.
It's just like the dramatic entrances in fairytale movies. It was fun to watch, but it wasn't fun when it was me. I felt uneasy. Then the sudden spotlight blinded me a bit.
Si Teacher Kim ang unang hinanap ng mga mata ko, but I was glad na instantly nakita ko rin agad si Mecky. I walked towards her, she was shaking her head like she couldn't believe what she was seeing.
"Woow, Cece! You are -- "
"Oh, shut it, Mecks! It's awkward enough to wear a gown that's twice as big as me."
"Ok, queen. But, you know, well, Madam Kim is some magical fairy mother talaga ha."
I just rolled my eyes at her coyly. "Asan pala si Balong?"
"Ah, just somewhere out there. Bored."
"Sabi niya, this ball is stupid, everyone's wearing long gowns. How would guys, you know, F the girls, kung sandamekmek ang tehla ng dahmit na suu-ot."
Sabay na lang kaming natawa at napailing. I looked around, the venue was definitely magical. It was blue and white everywhere with accents of gold and silver. The entire grand hall was sparkling, not of christmas lights, but like diamonds and stars. Everyone was in their best look.
The party started getting to a more exciting momentum when the band started playing. While the rest were either dancing, having a good laugh, taking a bazillion of selfies and photos, I kept myself busy with the program coordination. My gown, however, made walking around difficult and awkward.
Then dashing and princely Blue came behind me. "Cece, are we good with the ballots?"
"Ah, yup. All counted. But, Mecky said you added another award?"
"Ah, yes. Magical couple of the night, sorry missed to inform you. But it will be exclusively selected by the members of the student council, we've set it up, it'll be before the Yuletide King and Queen. Anyways, excellent coordination, Cece. Everything's running smooth. Swerte ko talaga sayo."
I smiled shyly. "I had help."
"Nah. I was watching you. But, you should enjoy too. You look.. absolutely perfect! Wow! You know all eyes are on you, right?"
I felt shy even more. "Eeee. Hindi no. And I'm enjoying naman, thanks!"
"Ok. But save me a dance later, ok? I would love to dance with the butterfly princess."
Sinagot ko na lang siya ng ngiti at nahihiyang tawa. He wasn't the first to ask me to save a dance, pero weirdly, no one has asked me to dance on spot. I wasn't complaining, but what's up with that?
"Uyyy, a dance with Blue. Kilig ka naman, Mecks," asar ko kay Mecky habang patungo kami sa bar area, after her dance with her biggest crush. She rolled her eyes pero nagpipigil ngumiti.
We were strictly not allowed to serve alcoholic drinks, pero parang may punch ang supposed non-alcoholic cocktail na inorder namin ni Mecky. "Wow. Who says no drunks on Yuletide Ball?" sarkastikong puna ni Mecky.
"Well, I guess this is the known secret of the night. We all know it, pero we shouldn't talk about it," komento ko.
"Fine. Principal Moon seems to enjoy his alcoholic-non-alcoholic cocktail anyway."
Biglang sulpot naman si Balong. "That's his seventh! I think he's drunk na. He's got an alcohol tolerance of a toddler. Now, I can't wait for the actual fun to begin." Nagtawanan na lang kaming tatlo.
"Poo-ro kah lahkad, Cece. You should be on the dance floor."
"Isayaw mo kaya siya, Balong! Since wala rin naman gusto makisayaw sayo."
"Grabe naman yung sympathy dance lang ako. May mga gusto naman makisayaw sakin no.. pero yun lang, save it for later daw," pagsingit ko.
"I can't dance with you, yet. Save one for me too na lahng."
"Choosy ka pa! Swerte mo na nga't kaibigan ka ni Cece, at least may isang matitiis kang isayaw." Kinurot ni Mecky ang ilong ni Balong.
"I can't kasi, everyone's expecting na whoever is her first dance, is the mystery prince."
Nanlaki naman ang mga mata ko at napalingon ako kay Mecky at Balong. "Why would they expect that?" I asked, mystefied.
"Errrrr, 'cuz you're wearing a butterfly princess gown?" palokong sagot ni Balong whose expression was unsure.
"Ugh! December na, and everyone are still idiots. So if I want to dance with Cece, then I'm the mystery prince?"
"Oooo, some lesbo twist. I like that! Are you gonna kiss? You bettah -- "
Pinisil ni Mecky ang pisngi ni Balong at pinihit pa ang nguso niya. Nagumpisa na akong maalibadbaran sa ilan pa ring patuloy na tingin sa'kin.
Bumalik kaming tatlo sa lamesa namin na nasa tapat mismo ng dance floor. Napatingin naman kami sa mga surpresang expression ng karamihan sa paligid. Parang may nakita silang kung anong kamangha-mangha.
Lumingon ako sa direksyon ng tingin nila, at siya nga'y si Teacher Kim who was standing at the entrace. He was magnificent. His wavy hair was set but not too neat, he was wearing a stylish, very regal but dapper dark royal blue tuxedo. It wasn't exactly a traditional suit, the front was open, there was a princely cut to it, his inner light-blue shirt has a custom royal-like accents, and instead of a tie or a bow, he has a classy silvery-white silk scarf around his neck that falls elegantly in his front down to the level of his suit. He was already burning hot with his regular teacher clothings, but this time, he was scorching, blazing, flamingly hot. Most of all, he was very princely, a real-life Prince Charming.
I knew he was looking for me because when our eyes met, he stopped searching. I noticed he was holding a single white lily with a butterfly pin on its bud. He walked towards me, nagumpisang kumabog ang dibdib ko, parang akong mahihimatay sa di ko alam na kadahilanan.
I swallowed dry when he stood towering in front of me, my eyes locked with his. For some strange reason, all my senses became very active. His intoxicating masculine scent dawdled up my nose; I could feel in my skin that everyone was staring, and like everything else stopped; and I could hear the music very clearly, it started with a mellow instrumental intro, and it was familiar.
He gave the flower he was holding. Hesitant, I accepted it. Then he offered his hand. I looked at his hand, then back to his face, my brows knitted. "A dance? Butterfly Princess?" he asked.
Without a thought, I accepted his hand. Parang I had zero control of myself na, I was floating, confused but there was a fiery feeling in my chest.
It was surreal, parang yung slow-mo na mga eksena sa pelikula. It was indescribable in real life. Suddenly, we were close, too close. Both my hands rested just a little above his chest, while both his were on my waist.
Bigla akong napatingin sa male vocalist ng banda when he started singing, his voice was light, mataas, professional, but has a raw romantic taste to it. I recognized the song, Teacher Kim sang it to me one night, the most romantic night of my life, until this moment, of course.
I looked again at my prince charming, he was gaping at me, but I felt a sense of longing in his expression; I couldn't figure it out.
"The song.. did you set it up?" I asked, but he only responded with a grin then a smile. Humawak siya sa isa kong kamay, he led me into a slow and tender twirl. Saka ko lang napagtanto na kami na lang pala ang sumasayaw sa dance floor and everyone's attention was on us. But strangely, I didn't feel uncomfortable.
Dama ko ang bawat salita sa lyrics ng kanta. May magaang sarap akong nadarama sa pagkadiin ko sa bisig ni Teacher Kim. Pumikit ako at ninamnam ang bango niya. I looked up at him again, but sadness covered his expression.
Huminga ako ng malalim. Sinubukan kong basahin ang mukha niya at tila ba alam agad ng puso ko kung ano ang ibig sabihin ng ekspresyon niya. Parang may biglang pumihit sa puso ko, tila may humarang sa lalamunan ko, naramdaman ko ang paghapdi ng mga mata ko.
I wanted to say something but I couldn't find the words. His eyes were telling me something and I understood. This wasn't a night of fairytale, I realised it will be reality kicking in, the night of my first and most painful heartbreak.
I pleaded no. Still no words, just our eyes talking. His eyes were regretful, apologetic, but they also tell me how much he loves me. Wordless, I asked him we'll fight, I'll fight. I just can't lose him and I know he didn't want to lose me too.
Naramdaman ko ang unang pagtulo ng luha ko. Ang sikip ng dibdib ko, his song was telling me how much he would do everything for me, pero bakit, bakit siya sumusuko?
Our eyes continued talking, I saw pain in his. He was hurting, like he has never been hurt like this before. His jaw was tight, the shape of his lips was sad. Then his expression turned serious; his eyes were telling me it was the right thing to do.
I pleaded no. Kailanman hindi magiging tama ang saktan mo ang mahal mo, at nasasaktan ako.
Nasasaktan ako Christopher!
Pinutol niya ang tinginan namin at yumuko siya, kumunot ng mahigpit ang noo niya, tila ba nagpipigil siyang umiyak. Humigpit ang hawak niya sa kamay ko. May maiipit at madiing hinga na rin siyang inilalabas.
It was painful to see him like that. We were still dancing to the song, just the two of us on the dance floor with everyone's eyes on us, and I was crying.
He looked at me again, his eyes were sorry. But telling me that he also loves me. He wanted to do the right thing, I bet that's what my father told him. Pero hindi ko magawang magalit sa dad ko, gusto kong magalit sa Greek god ko who's crushing my heart too painful for me to bear.
Kumunot ulit ang noo niya, I knew he understood how much he was hurting me. His one hand cupped my face, I started sobbing more but silently as I yearn for more of his touch. At ang sakit, ang sakit sakit. Natatakot ako na mawala siya, pero damang-dama ko ring mawawala na siya.
I pleaded again, ayokong mawala siya, hindi ko kaya. Ayoko. Ayokong sumuko siya. Ayoko.
He looked up, his eyes were blinking fast, his jaw tight, his expression hurt - why, why do we have to hurt kung mahal naman namin ang isa't-isa?
He swallowed. He gave me one last look, and I knew, it was it.
No! You can't. No! Teacher Kim! Christopher!
He kissed me, yung pinakamadiin, yung damang-dama ko talaga, yung masakit kasi mahal na mahal ko siya, yung huling halik niya, ito na nga, last na.
I did one sob when our lips parted. Isang hikbi, walang katumbas na sakit. He breathed heavy, like something was stuck in his throat - 5 seconds, 10, 15, 20, 30. Then our eyes met, I saw a tear fell from the side of his eyes and it was the most painful thing I've ever seen.
He walked away..
I was frozen, listening to the last part of the song, heartbroken.
I could make you happy, make your dreams come true
There is nothing that I would not do
Go to the ends of the Earth for you
To make you feel my love, oh yes,
To make you feel my love